value of obscurity

The value of obscurity.

Most of you know that recently (the past year or two) I have been increasingly mesmerized by the shyness of God that Jesus reveals. In Jesus we see a journey into obscurity. The slum pastors of Manila taught us that. A journey into the world and concern for the poor is always a journey into obscurity. Philippians 2 talks about the emptying of God in Jesus. So much of what we call ministry today is a journey into big, into flash, into being noticed. I know sometimes I want that. Who wants to be ignored? Forgotten? Found irrelevant? Even the young, emergent churches we find ourselves cousins too, seem to get more press than they deserve. It is the novelty of an idea about church, that is not tested by the passing of time and the perseverance of a community. Honor is more due to those who have suffered long, not those who have the best, newest or most compelling ideas. I want to be worthy of that honor. To someday earn it, but I cant help but think (at least for me personally) that we are not there. The St. Pete times just ran a story about the underground, about me and my community. And while it is positive and fair (I loved getting to know Alex, the writer, and her wonderfully inquisitive spirit) I find myself feeling a strange awkwardness about it all. Most of the people we are trying to love and reach don’t even read the newspaper, they use it for a pillow, or to wrap food in. And that is the point. Press can make us feel a false inflation, like we have accomplished something that we have not. I don’t mind the love for my community though. We have been living simply together for more than a decade. That part of it feels affirming. Especially for them. But in general, it leaves me hollow. There is a hunger in my heart to be known, seen, affirmed and accepted by the God who walks among the poor, in the shadows, and who gets no press. That is an invitation into the obedience and integrity that is wrestled from secret sacrifice paid for behind closed doors. Jesus inspires in me hope for character forged in fire or obscurity. But I wonder sometimes if I have what it takes. I mean, I wonder how many people who are currently earning a living (paid staff) would keep doing it, if they not only were not paid but their work would go almost completely unnoticed for the next 5-10 years? It is a painful question for the repressed ambition that so many of us carry around with us. Still, the call we have heard to love the poor, is being heard by others in our generation. So many have responded. But that too, I fear, will change. It may not be popular much longer. I can almost sense the creaking of the culture as the pendulum swings past the middle again. Will we persevere? I hope that we will. I hope that in the face of a call to serve, love and lay down our lives for the unpopular, the anti celebrity, we will grow and expand anyway. We hope. Together.

brian sanders